The Best and Worst Ways to Approach People

I recently put out a call for copy editors at Legacy Launch Pad by posting on my LinkedIn that I was looking for them.

I specifically asked people to DM me if they were interested.

Many lovely people did and when they did, I asked for their email addresses so I could have my Project Director email them a copy edit test.

Several people did not DM me on LinkedIn. Roughly five people emailed me on my personal email address which is not listed on LinkedIn; four of them suggested we jump on the phone to talk about the role.

Jump on the phone?!

Now, these people have no way of knowing just how Milenial I am when it comes to the phone.

But here’s the deal: I don’t answer it. Unless in emergencies. Even then I do it begrudgingly.

My outgoing message is to not leave a message because I won’t listen to it.

I’ve told my team members they can’t leave me voice notes because voice notes remind me too much of voicemails.

I’ve had potential clients who I thought might sign $100,000 contracts with us that I haven’t gotten on the phone with because I’d rather give away a huge percentage of that to my Sales Director than have another Zoom (I believe I’ve reached my Zoom Life Limit).

My point is that I’m not going to jump on a call or a Zoom to describe a freelance copy editor position to a stranger when the description is inherent in the name and anyone raising their hand to do it should know that.

Even crazier than the people who emailed me to ask if we could jump on the phone were the three men who texted me on my personal cell to discuss it.

On my number that I thought wasn’t listed.

I get that people want to stand out and that it’s tough out there and AI is replacing editorial jobs and all that but looking up someone’s personal number and texting them isn’t a way to stand out—unless you want to stand out as a creep.

If the goal was to get me to take action, I did: I blocked their numbers, signed up for one of those services that deletes your contact information (to the best of its ability) and updated my LinkedIn post with the PS that people who were interested should, as I stated, DM me.

I still received more emails and texts.

One person sent this seemingly AI-written email:

Beyond just grammar and punctuation, editing is really about clarity, structure, and voice. My goal is not only to polish your manuscript but to help it resonate with your readers in the most meaningful way. Whether it's developmental editing (helping shape the flow and big ideas) or line editing (refining tone, transitions, and language), I approach each project with both technical precision and creative care.

With years of experience across various genres, I’ve had the privilege of working with authors at different stages, from rough first drafts to nearly finished manuscripts. I also offer consultations throughout the editing process, where we can walk through things like:

• Strengthening your message and narrative arc

• Clarifying your audience and their needs

• Ensuring consistency in style, tone, and voice

• Navigating publishing options and preparing for launch

My process is collaborative, transparent, and tailored to your goals. Whether you’re looking for a single round of edits or ongoing feedback, I can adapt to what best supports your vision.

I’d love to hear more about your project, its purpose, its message, and where you see it going. Let me know a time that works for a quick call, and I’ll make myself available.

Looking forward to learning more and seeing how we can make this a success together.1

First of all, does this sound AI-written to you?

Secondly, when I didn’t respond, she followed up. Three times. After the third time, I wrote her: Hi - We gave edit tests to the people who followed the instructions by DMing once and hired from there. Thanks.

No response to that but then she wrote me: Just wanted to share a quick heads-up, our team is offering a 25% summer discount on service until EOD July 30th.

Her team? Whaa? Needless to say, I did not take advantage of said discount.

When my Project Director sent out the copy edit tests to the people who applied, we received dozens of responses—some from people who aced the test completely. Without exception, all the people who scored perfectly were gracious, thanked us for the opportunity and sounded thrilled when we reported back that we were adding them to our roster.

Some of the people who made many mistakes on their test did other things: one responded to the test to ask if she could be paid for taking it since it looked quite extensive (we told her no and she thought about it, then decided she would take it anyway) while another said she preferred a higher rate but perhaps we could “meet in the middle” (but then thought about it once we told her our rates were our rates; she also decided she would also take the test anyway). A third only did a third of the test because we “could clearly see her editing skills” from the part of the test she’d done.

So why is it that people who want to get paid to take a voluntary test for a job, balk at comparative rates and only complete a third of a test score badly and people who are lovely and gracious often score perfectly?

And why do people ignore a request for a LinkedIn DM and instead look up someone’s private number or asking them to get on the phone to discuss a job they don’t have yet?

I actually don’t know. Do you?

Here’s what I do know: how you interact with strangers when you want something dictates whether or not you will have success. The approach is more important than skill. It’s more important than experience. It’s more important than talent. It’s an ability to read the proverbial room and remain humble and show your value rather than asking for special treatment or trying to jump to the head of the line. As someone who spent a long time asking for special treatment and trying to jump to the head of the line, I can assure you that this kind of thing almost always backfires.

How does this apply to your book publishing experience? Well, your journey, if you do it right, will involve a lot of asking—asking for blurbs, asking for opinions, asking for Amazon reviews, asking to go on podcasts. And the way you ask is everything. I used to give our clients a document called GOOD AND BAD BLURB REQUESTS but I stopped giving it out because it seemed so obvious. Maybe it’s not?

I’ve had people reach out for blurbs with emails that have said things like “I know you love books so can you blurb this?” or “I think it would be a great opportunity for you to blurb this.” I had a man who pitched himself to be on my podcast who admitted in the pitch that he didn’t know if I interviewed men on my podcast—something he could have determined had he gone to the podcast page (answer: I did; just not him).

I’ve also had people send some of the loveliest blurb requests you can imagine and in every one of those cases, I’ve said yes. No matter how busy I was. No matter what was going on. Because the way they asked was lovely.

So, whether it’s a freelance job or a blurb, ask with all the graciousness you can muster. Remember that people aren’t just there to meet your needs, whether it’s for employment or a blurb. Always think, in the words of my mentor, what’s in it for them. The more you do that, the more you’ll get what you want. Sometimes even when you’re not asking for it.

Case in point: today a teenager rang my doorbell. I was putting my son down for a nap and I’m about as into strangers ringing my doorbell as I am into getting on the phone with aspiring copy editors. And he was the second person to ring the doorbell today; the first was a guy who wanted to know if we needed our roof redone. (We did not.) I was very close to shutting the door on this kid but then he quickly said, “I’m not doing this for a school project. It’s self funding.”

This got my attention: honesty! I asked what he was offering.

“Black and white curb painting,” he said.

What? I pictured a checkered curb.

“The number on your curb is gone,” he said. “I can repaint it for you. It’s $30. I just did it for your neighbor. My name is Isiah and I live one street over.”

I was immediately won over. He was offering something I hadn’t known until that moment that I needed but it was for the right price. He showed me that he was trustworthy when he told me he was from the neighborhood. He even had social proof because my neighbor had already said yes.

A half hour later, the curb was painted, it looked fab and I was asking Isiah what else he was interested in doing. Turns out all kinds of stuff: errand running, gardening, pressure washer cleaning (which we randomly need). I basically hired a new assistant because he came to my door with an awesome offer at the right price and asked in a way that was direct and gracious.

It was inspiring, especially as the mother of a young boy. I want my son to be like that.

All of this is to say: think before you ask. Read the room. And channel Isiah before you make a move.